I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's like heaven, but drunker
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
