He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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