Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
