the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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