maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
