I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
