The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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