I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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