I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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