I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
