I showed him my bush... on skype.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
