I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
