her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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