her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
