I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if only i could text you this smell
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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