The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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