i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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