my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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