Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
