You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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