I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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