he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
