i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
