I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
