But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
