I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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