He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
