a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
