i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
