I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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