Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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