now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
