And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
