threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
two words...techno handjob
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
