Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
