I just threw up on my dentist
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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