Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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