She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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