im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
