Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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