It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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