Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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