Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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