i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
