your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
