1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
