There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
