There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Of course I have a pirate flag
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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