i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
