I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
