I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
